Sometimes Struggles are EXACTLY what we need in our Life! If we're allowed to go through life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we COULD have been- we would never been able to FLY!

My dear friend Margie Harp sent an email to me that inspired and spoke to me so deeply- I felt I needed to start this blog with some of the wise words it shared.  The title is the one that spoke to me the most- but here is the entire text:

Live life without fear.  Confront all obstacles and know that you CAN overcome them!  Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life!   If we are allowed to go through life without any obstacles, it would cripple us.  We would NOT be as strong as we could have been- never been able to FLY! 

I asked for STRENGTH, and I was given difficulties to make me STRONG.  I asked for WISDOM, and I was given PROBLEMS to solve.  I asked for PROSPERITY, and I was given a brain and brawn to WORK.  I asked for COURAGE, and I was given OBSTACLES to overcome.  I asked for LOVE, and I was given TROUBLED PEOPLE to help.  I received nothing I WANTED but I received EVERYTHING I needed!    I say again.....Live Life Without Fear!

Well this was a great way to start my latest addition to my blog, which I admit is long overdue.  The last week of my 2nd month of treatment was a bit difficult.  And although overall I was still functioning pretty well, by Sunday afternoon I crashed- hard.  And was bedridden till yesterday when I dragged myself out of bed to go to Ash Wednesday mass with my new 'lymie friend' Ken (meaning he too has Lyme disease).  Ken says we are the 'lymed leading the lymed' (clever and funny!).  I call all my fellow friends that have been 'slimed with lyme' Lymies.  Like I've said many times....you just can't lose your sense of humor with this disease.

So today is Thursday, March 10th, and while I am starting to feel a little better, this has been a stinky 'week off of meds' because I really have felt the crappiest than I have for the last 2 months of treatment.  So, on one hand that's a GOOD THING- because it means the treatment is WORKING.  But on the other hand, gotta get through feeling crappy and keep the faith so I don't lose my inner strength and spirituality that helps me get through most days.  So far I am winning this battle- but it can only do so much to make me feel 'less crappy'!  I am not complaining- I am just being honest for the sake of documenting this journey.

I returned to the clinic this past Tuesday and got my treatment regimen for the coming month which starts Monday the 14th.  This time I will be on meds 2 weeks on and 1 week off and then repeat.  All the oral meds (including that YUMMY neon yellow PAINT that I have to drink!) all remain the same (3 total- Septra DS, MEPRON and Artemisinin) and the IV drugs are the Clindamycin (same as last month- the one that was causing seizures) and the newly added Azithromycin which I had no reaction to in the clinic- but has the ability to make me nauseous.  So we'll see!  Keep those prayers coming though because my nurses and Dr. Jemsek admitted that overall I am faring much better than most do (even despite the seizures) and the ONLY POSSIBLE EXPLANATION IS THE PRAYERS I RECEIVE!  The nurses agree- they have no other explanation to attest to and so you could say they are BELIEVERS!  So know that your prayers and well wishes/positive thoughts for me- they ARE WORKING!  I am sure that my feeling 'crappy' these past few days is still much less than what others experience!  I remember their warnings before we got started, that this was to be much like chemo- and to expect the worst and hope for the best.  Well we prayed for the best- with your help- and so far I am receiving the grace of that faith and prayers- and I am so humbly grateful!

There are so many people out there that also need prayers- and I pray for as many of them as I can- including all those that pray for me!  So if you believe in the power of prayer- or if you had doubts but were looking for evidence to believe- here's your sign!  I am living proof of the power of prayer in so many ways!

Here's another one for you.  I don't think many people have heard my story of how we found our current nanny- the one that is the blessing we'd been seeking!  Well its a good one!

We had 2 that just didnt' work out, few prospects to consider and I was getting ready to start treatment in January- and it certainly wasn't ideal to start a new nanny at the same time I am starting treatment!  We were trying to have one in place prior so they'd be all settled in by the time I got going.  Well it wasn't happening!  But I was praying- not fervently admittedly- but I was praying for the right person to be led to us!  When the 2nd one didn't pan out in late December, I had divine inspiration (call it a whisper in my ear from the Holy Spirit) to call Missy our 'adopted older daughter', babysitter since she was in 8th grade (she's in college now) and Jocelyn's Godmother.  She is off college at Towson for the month of January, so we negotiated for her to be a temp nanny for the month while we searched high and low for the right one!  Meanwhile, my friend Dawn Bartman suggested a site- care.com -to checkout for prospects, but Ajay didn't really find any good ones from it and stopped checking it out.  As we neared the end of January,  I started to get a little panicked because we had NO ONE to even interview!  So I started to pray a bit more FERVENTLY- saying "Lord, you need to send us a GUARDIAN ANGEL!  Someone to look over all of us, to bring a sense of calm and peace to our home while I am in treatment.  Someone who can watch over the kids but also be a PT nurturing caretaker to me.  Someone that knows how to run a household with little direction AND someone that the kids will LIKE.  But most of all- we need our GUARDIAN ANGEL- with a little Mary Poppins mixed in!  While I am praying more fervently, I also keep seeing this commercial on TV ALL DAY LONG for care.com saying they have nannies listed!  I mean I keep seeing this commercial and I really don't watch a lot of TV!  I found it odd, and thought, its clear that's one of the things they specialize in- Ajay should really try it again!. So I asked him to give it one more try.   By the way- I've asked around and NO ONE ELSE apparently sees this commercial.  I am convinced that it was for my own benefit- an angelic message perhaps.  So Ajay did what I said and the next day he put a profile on my desk for a new prospect from care.com- and her name is ANGELICA.  Kid you not- we got our Guardian Angel and her name is ANGELICA.  She is a cute little lady from Guatamala, but the kids are convinced she is one of their Indian Grandmothers- she looks familiar to them and that has helped them to be comfortable with her- which is a lot of change for my kids having to meet/get to know 3 different nannies in a matter of a few months!  AND, I am around most of the time, but I just don't have the energy to do it all, and I can't overdo it, AND I can't drive anymore anyway.  So she is a Godsend- literally.  Even more (if you want the hair to stand up on your arms)- when we interviewed her, so told me that many people were contacting her and some had called and left messages as I did- but she ONLY RETURNED MY CALL.  Something in my message or something just told her to only return my call!  I am pretty sure I was crying at this point in the interview.  First the name (and the timing- come on!) then only calling me when she had all these other offers/interested families!  She was clearly sent by the Holy Spirit to take care of us!  AND, the last family she worked for (a single dad with a daughter and a dog) ALL HAD LYME DISEASE.  So she is familiar with the disease, what it does, and watching/nurturning someone going through treatment (although they did the oral method).  Amazing story isn't it????

So back to last week and how the treatment went etc.    My seizures became more frequent, which must be herxing as much as reacting to the clindamycin- especially since they were at random times and during the therapy.  I had one Tuesday night- after a wonderful day with my friend Dorri Gowe-Lambert- my buddy from college- and her new baby boy Landon.  It made no sense to have a seizure that evening!  But nonetheless, around 7 or 8 pm, I suddenly got drowsy (first clue usually) and then drifted into a seizure that lasted about 40 minutes I think.  I vaguely remember as I was coming out of it that Ajay took the kids up for baths and bed around 8:15/8:30.  Then I had one on Wed AFTER treatment was completed, and just as Beth Hess and Susan Moore (my nurse maids for the day) were getting ready to leave!  One minute I'm fine and the next I'm drifting off and having a seizure!  The girls got the brilliant idea to get tennis balls for my hands which get this Superman grip when I am having a seizure.  It works quite well.  Then I fought off a seizure for most of the day Friday while I was getting my labs, having lunch and getting my hair colored/cut (thanks to my chauffeur of the day- Margie Florimbio).  Margie gets the credit for helping keep that one at bay during the day.  But it was too much for me that evening and I had one as I was finishing treatment.  One minute I was fine- the next Christine said I started with shaking my head and then progressing to my hands etc.  This was the first time Christine (Haslup) witnessed me having a seizure.  And as it is for others who have, its a bit alarming to see me go from being perfectly fine to having a seizure that is more like a Parkinsons Disease episode than a gran mal type. Its pretty specific to lyme and usually is followed by my having Parkinsons Disease like symptoms (verbally, physically or both).  But this month I haven't suffered with the aftermaths as much and seem to recover pretty well and quickly (within 1-2 hours).  So it definitely could be worse!

Other than the seizures and crashing Sunday, the week went pretty well, but was very hectic/busy.  And I didn't have the mental clarity that I had been enjoying for some weeks prior.  Which in-of-itself is a huge reprieve from typical lyme symptoms and what I've been suffering from for the past 2 years.  But the clarity/improvement had started really in January, BEFORE  I even started treatment!  So I can't give the credit to the therapy so much but more so to the neurological drugs that they have me on which are controlling (somewhat now) the seizures and the keeping the Parkinsons Disease like symptoms and other neurological distressing symptoms at bay.  If you saw me last summer when I was having these symptoms- it was pretty alarming.  But only a handful of friends and family witnessed it.  Nonetheless, it freaked them all out frankly.  If you know me, to see me act as if I have Parkinsons Disease- well it's a bit unsettling to say the least. 

My own theory is that the lyme has somewhat moved on (now that I am stabilized with the drugs countering the effects of the disease on me neurologically) and has kind of moved on to mess with me in my urological and gynealogical areas.  There's the 'faux pregnancy' episosde (well my prolactin levels must still be up because I am still able to produce milk- BIZARRE!) and my interstitial cystitis (inflammation!  No known cause or real cure! HELLO- LYME!) that I am also dealing with now.   Anyway- its just a theory.  I mean I still don't have a gag reflex and I am having seizures!  I just don't walk like a drunken sailor all the time anymore!

Well- I think I have rambled on enough for this blog.  I leave you with this Lenten thought.....prayerfully borrowed from Joe Slattery, President of the Board of Directors from my children's school St. Thomas More Academy:

Lent has the power to transform our lives by strengthening our faith. 

Lent is a perfect time to refocus ourselves on the suffering and needs of those around us.  By doing so we remind ourselves of the suffering our Lord endured for us and it allows us to be better aware of the blessings we have. This inspection of self and the world will transform us into a more charitable community willing and able to make the sacrifices required of Christians - loving and giving when it is inconvenient, putting others before ourselves, and seeing Christ in others. 

The ability to face adversity and do what is right, to look at what is right for others rather then ourselves -- these things allow us to practice the virtues of fortitude and justice and enhance the world through charity.

This is a story he shares with his confirmation class and was told to him by a little sister of the poor.

The little sister described Heaven and Hell. She said Heaven is like a great big banquet, and everyone has a five foot spoon.  And Hell is like a great big banquet and everyone has a five foot spoon.  The difference is that in Heaven everyone has learned how to eat with a five foot spoon. You can't feed yourself with a five foot spoon you have to feed one another. In hell no one has learned how to eat with a five foot spoon.  Everyone is self absorbed and worried about themselves. They would never think of feeding someone else before themselves. Therefore they are starving and miserable while everyone in heaven is content and satisfied because they are taking care of each other. 

Makes perfect heavenly sense to me!

MaryMay this Lenten season bring you closer to Jesus, strengthen your faith and renew your spirit!  Blessings!